i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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