So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
