Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
