There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
