Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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