I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
