This girl is more easily done than said...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
