your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
