the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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