shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
