Your face is a jimmy john
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
