dude i'm inner monologue high
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
