Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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