Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
