he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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