You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fuck appropriateness.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
