In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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