how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
