three words: i give head
three words: not that well
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
