so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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