You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
