I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
