Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
