He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
