God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
