Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
