I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
