Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need moral support for this bender
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
