ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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