How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
