I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
