you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
