dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
