What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
