I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
