I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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