my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
