we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
