dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
