Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
