when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
