The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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