I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
