Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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