i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
