i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Someone signed my nipple.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
