We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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