I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
