just tell him i said nine months
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
