please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
