Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
