I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
