two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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